The internal struggle of creating

"I've got a strong urge to fly. But I've got nowhere to fly to"

-- Pink Floyd

Been more than a month without a blogpost. Despite I wrote some post
about technology, what I really like writing are these philosophical
posts. The post about technology have way more visits than these
posts. But I won't make less posts about what I truly love just
because people like the others more. The expression of what is in my
mind is what keeps me sane. I've been wanting to write a post for so
long, but I haven't had any idea of what to write about. So I'm
writing a blog post about wanting to do something, but having nothing
to do. This is a internal a knife I have stabbed inside of me every
once in a while. Feel like I'm wasting my time.

I like playing the Borderlands and watching movies. But the ephemeral
moment of pleasure those two things give me is not going to make me
happy in the long term. But I know that my work, the thing I put
effort in will make me happy in the long term.

Consuming is easy. Creating is not. Like Eric Cartman said: "Is not
going to be easy, but nothing good in life is". Playing Borderlands is
cool, but it's not really good, as i'm not getting real satisfaction
from it.

I think that in current society, nothing has value. I can have
everything a few clicks away. I don't have to do any struggle to get
something. I don't have to put any effort into a reward. That's why I
never finish the pdfs I have, or don't watch all the movies I have
downloaded. They have absolutely 0 meaning to me. I can copy them as
much as I want. Maybe I can give them some meaning to me by copying
them and allowing anyone to get them as well. But in the end they are
just ones and zeroes that anyone can get. 

These posts are the antithesis of that conclusion. These posts are
just a .txt files served in a computer I have in my living room. But
to server these .txt files I had to work to get the money to get the
server. I had to install and configure all the server software, had to
struggle with my shit router to serve the files. And then I have a
space to do some kind of self expression.

Then, after the struggling of setting up a server. I have to do the
actual real hard part of the work: writing these things. I have to
think what to write about. Then I have to think how to word
it. Feeling is something, expressing it is something completely
different[1]. After that, I have to elaborate all my thoughts. And I
have to word my elaboration. So it's a loop.

Yesterday my friend Balonce$to and I had a a deep philosophical talk,
naturally, the "having children" subject came in . I told him that I
had one reason to have children and one not to have children, the
reason not to have is that this world is fucking shit and I don't want
to make my children suffer. The reason to have children is that this
world is fucking shit and we need strong people.

The other day, not being so lucid, my friend Endemic told me how
important it is to leave a legacy. So he told us how important it is
to have a family and all. And show your family your legacy. While I
agree this is important, I would like to take a step further. I would
like to be remembered. I want to set a point in history. And this is
something impossible to do only consuming content.

[1]: Life has taught me the hard way that saying "this character is
literally me" is not a good way of self expression.